Fatback Media

Brooke Hogan, the seriously talent challenged daughter of pro-wrestler Hulk Hogan has been bitching about her former best friend doing Daddy. Brooke wrote a post on her Myspace blog that has been taken down, but we have an excerpt for you:

“I think she shoulda thought about what kinda press she was gonna get when she slept with her best friend’s famous father … I think we’re all seeing just exactly how karma works Christiane. Nothing you say will ever put my family back together”

You see, Daddy Hogan was banging Christiane Plante, the 33 year old best friend of his daughter. Supposedly Brooke thinks that the fuck buddy ruined her parents marriage, while Plante claims that she and the Hulkster were bumping uglies because he and his wife already agreed they were doing the Splitzvilla Tango.

Daddy Hogan has no comment on the whole thing, but there are a few questions that come to mind, at least, my mind.

1. Why was a 19 year old best friends with a 33 year old? Wasn’t it obviously someone was trying to get closer to Daddyman?

2. No matter how sweet or vulnerable a star’s kid is supposed to be, why do we need to feel sorry for them? Buy your own fuckbuddy, piss off Daddy.

3. Why in the hell did Hulk’s ex-wife dress and make-up like some trailer trash reject from the 1980’s?

Whine, whine, whine. Someone pass me a fucking whiskey sour, we’ve got bullshit on the radar.

Why Brooke Hogan, are you sporting a penis along with your implants? Sure looks that way to me here in this new set of pics. That, or maybe she keeps her hoo-ha a little too insulated. But before I go off on a tangent pondering Brooke’s hoo-ha, or, perhaps, penis, let me say that the implants she got like a year ago really have helped make her look a bit more feminine. She still looks like she could kill a man with her bare hands, but now she has boobs. And that’s a good death, especially if you’re a samurai. I guess being Hulk Hogan’s daughter she really never had a chance at having a feminine body . . .

With an entire award show dedicated to the complete freaks who we enjoy on reality TV, and award categories such as “Favorite Fight,” “Favorite Altered-State,” and “Favorite Potty Mouth,” you can bet your sweet ass that I will be watching the Fox Reality Channel’s “2007 Really Awards” show that will air on Saturday, October 13th. I mean where else can I see Brooke Hogan and that guy from Beauty and the Geek together on one stage looking very much like a carnie sideshow act? Also when you have Janice Dickenson, Sanjaya, and friggin’ Elvira together, and it’s not the beginning of a joke but it’s reality . . . hey this is special.

The event was taped earlier this week, and below Miss Lennox presents to you the gift of a menagerie of some of the walking disasters who took part in the event.

Sooooooooo…..apparently the word on the street is that Brooke Hogan got a boob job. Well, Jeeee-suuuus H. Christ (does the ‘H’ stand for Hossefat? Personally, I am fonder of Horatio.) … but I digress. Where, was I? Oh yeah, Brooke’s boobs: Real or fake? ARE YOU FRICKIN’ KIDDING ME? Her rack is more implanted than Tommy Lee’s deposit of manhood in his skankbank of the week! How could they not be fake when Brooke is a frickin’ MAN? Even the ten estrogen shooters a day she guzzles can’t hide the fact she has a moustache that’s a throwback to Tom Selleck in Magnum PI. (And if you don’t know who that is because you were busy nuzzlin’ your momma’s sweater monkeys when the show was on air then click here )

Do you really expect that Hulk Hogan’s wife could conceive a girl when he probably sprinkled Methyltestosterone on his frickin’ breakfast cereal? Face it, Brooke or Bill or Byron or whatever your real name is, you can shrink wrap yourself in gold lemay and paint your fingernails as pink as you want but we all know that sack on your arm ain’t the only one you got. If Brookenstein somehow cornered me in a bar and used that deep ass, Darth Vader voice to rattle off a few pick up lines that involved jumpin’ off the top rope and the figure four, I swear on my penis’ life that I would would sell my miserable soul for a matrix-style back door to open and save me from that Man-Boy Love Association type workout that Brooke had in mind. Hey Brooke, I guess the good news for you is that after these fifteen minutes of fame are washed up I hear they need a new star for the next Schlongs in Thongs movie. Meanwhile, keep it hangin’….just do it in YOUR neighborhood.

LINKS, if you made it this far.

• Exclusive video from The Te, Jessica Alba’s new movie.(CH)
• Celebslam G Chats with Lindsay Lohan about Gnaked pics. (Celebslam)
• Jenny McCarthy teaches me love. In a half nude way. (FHM)
• Cameron Diaz in a bikini. Again. (DS)
• Posh Spice’s show airs tonight. I’ll miss it because my sock drawer is all fucked up. (SeriouslyOMG)
• Jerry O’Connell and Rebecca Romijn got married. This is a good time. (IDLYITW)
• Lindsay Lohan has a booze detector bracelet. I used to have a Cap’n Crunch bracelet, but I ate it. (Celebitchy)
• More Bionic Woman video’s. (Allie)
• Britney’s manny was a dildo salesman. Salesperson. Sorry. (Yeeeah)
• Aunt Becky. Still Hot. Danny Tanner. Not at all dude. (IBBB)
• Best Armenian Badonkadonk evah, comrade. (Bastardly)
• Dane Cook is banging Jessica Simpson again. (Gabsmash)
• Pink thinks Britney sucks. Us too! We’re buds like that. (Celebrity Mound)
• Harry Potter movie review. SPOILER. Hermione blows Ron in the Vanishing Cabinet. Sucka. (Bumpshack)
• Paris Hilton wipes out. (Jordan)