Fatback Media

So obviously the autolinker broke last night so you only get 2 links. One of them may involve a Britney Spears sex tape with Tony Shaloub from TV’s Monk. Maybe it was Adnan something. What am I, Walter Cronkite?

• Britney Spears Sex Tape at Yeeeah!
• Formerly Skinny, Now Plus-Sized Model Wins ANTM at Deceiver.com

Britney Spears surprised gym goers at a hotel spa in in Marina del Rey in California this week by working out super-hard and really pushing it on those last few sets. Except change the working out part to wheezing uncontrollably and the pushing it part to just walking around in nothing but a towel.

[It] appears the star’s judgement may still be somewhat askew, as after her shower in the spa at a hotel, she wandered out to the gym in just a towel, giving gym-goers an eyeful as she helped herself to some cold water. (Daily Mail)

I’m glad to see she’s back in the gym, and too her credit, I don’t see Cheetoe sand on her anywhere, but the world is not ready for the backfat and canckles Britney. That’s why Wal-Mart invented baggy sweatsuits. So get back in there with all the fat soccer mom’s who’ve disappointed their husbands and the Lord God, put on your sweats and try to at least attempt to look like a 26 year old who has enough money to afford a personal trainer. Guh. Remember when Britney Spears nude spawned internet empires?

Britney Spears is threatening to release the crazy-wack-funky video diaries she made over the past year. I like the way she’s threatening and not planning. I think a lot of people use planning when they really mean threatening. To wit:

1. I am panning to have this baby, you bastard
2. I am planning to have sex with that girl over there later
3. Were you planning to come over, I’m sleepy. No, there is no one here, why?
4. etc

If you’re wondering why I put that old picture of Britney up, it’s because I liked her better when she was just coming into her white trash. Plan to check out these links:

• ASHLEE PREGNANT!!!!! Celebrity Dirt with Jackson Blue
• Pop Quiz: George Clooney | Circus Hour
• Free Playboy Girls Photos and Galleries
• Smart People Film Review | Pajiba
• Ashlee Simpson Not Pregnant? at Yeeeah!
• Tom trying to push Posh out of Katie’s life | Cele|bitchy
• Freudian Slip - Webster’s Is My Bitch
• Sexy Cam | Gabsmash
• cityrag: Britney Spears Drinking and Driving
• Britney Spears Video Diaries To Be Released at Yeeeah!
• Jenna Fischer Gets Naked For Wired Magazine : BigPlansBigCrash

I typically don’t write about Britney Spears, but the acute nature of this situation coupled with my fascination for analyzing celeb’s body flaws, has really spurred this post. Folks, we got a Code Grandma here! Britney went out to run errands in L.A. yesterday in little pink short-shorts, only she forgot that she’s not hot anymore and that she now has the legs of a 70-year old. What the hell is up with the saggy skin and dimples?!? Cellulite is one thing–and certainly to be expected on Britney–but this isn’t just cellulite, but full-on grandma legs. How did this happen to a 26 year-old? I’m baffled.

[Ed. Note: This has to be photoshop, right??? Fatback]

But let’s reflect on a better time, shall we? Ah, Britney circa 2002 . . .

See what I did there? I’m using tabloid style headlines. Like on TMZ and Extra! Neil Patrick Harris recently spoke out about Britney Spears’ casting in an upcoming episode of CBS’s How I Met Your Mother.

“I was shocked that Madame Spears was willing to come and do some acting,” Neil tells Kevin. “She hasn’t acted in a while. This is a very interesting role. It is very not like her at all in real life in any of her previous chapters. She plays the secretary to another girl that Ted [JOSH RADNOR] is after. So, it will be very unlike any Britney we have seen before, and we have seen a lot of Britney recently.” [FM Editor's note: Emphasis ours] [Ha! Another tabloid technique! Dana Devon will be mine!] (ETOnline)

I don’t think this episode is going to work out like they think it will. Britney will show up drunk, 8 hours late, wearing a dirty t-shirt and high heels and smoke cigarettes until they get her dog a frappacino [ed note: made up word! I looked it up. JOURNALISM!]. Then she’ll start crying and try to fuck Neil Patrick Harris because “he was that kid doctor that time. So cute!” The episode will finally air with one close frame shot of Britney’s face (with the BBQ sauce taken out with CGI) and the rest of the shots will be a stunt double fromt the reverse angle. SUPERSTAR.

Here’s Britney from March 10th. She’s either discovered make-up again or this Britney may be the Terminator.