Fatback Media » Breasts

Guess Who I’m Voting For?

fatback — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 18:09:52 +0000

God damn I love this country. Europe was great and I deeply respect their relaxed views on nudity, sodomy and ritual suicide, but where else can you decide your country’s future using a picture of enormous tits. That’s why we win all the wars. We respect America, apple pie and chicks with ridiculously sized tits. The potheads sexy kids at College Humor have more Erection 2008 coverage right here. Also, here’s what’s going on around the netz.

Sarah Chalke (Becky 2) still smoking hot after all these months. (Phun)
Don’t fucking touch Madonna (Allie)
Chanelle Hayes looks for some richness in her life. ((Bastardly)
Giselle in a music video for some reason. (Drunken Stepfather))
Ben and Jen Affleck…kinda normal. (Celebitchy)
Whitney Port does something, or something. Whatever. (IBBB)

Shazam, Isis!

fatback — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 14:17:13 +0000

God.

Almighty.

Christina Aguilera’s rack looks like it’s about to spill out like the Nile in rainy season. Maybe that’s why she did her makeup like an Egyptian drag queen. Although, I don’t think many people were looking at her eyes when she wore this dress to the VMA’s the last week. Down south we’d say that Christina Aguilera is built like a brick shithouse, and honestly I have about ZERO idea what that means. But I would like to sit her down and feed her some soul food. She looks like she’d eat some cracklin’ cornbread.

Blake Lively Seems Nice

fatback — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 13:14:38 +0000

Wow. It’s like Gossip Girl central around here this week. First, it was news that Leighton Meester’s mom was caged heat and had Leighton while in custody for drug running and Blake Lively is making news with her salacious rack after leaving a David Letterman appearance. Okay that’s nowhere near as cool as being born in jail, but it has way more cleavage. Blake is just 21, so she’s got a good 3-5 years of not having to wear a bra until she’ll have to strap those babies in a nice Playtex underwire, but till then we say “let ‘em stay free, Ponyboy”. Has anyone seen Gossip Girl? It’s supposedly the highest rated show on cable behind Mad Men but I have yet to see an episode. Maybe it comes on at the same time as How It’s Made. PS. I’m never eating Pringles again.

Labor Day Was Awesome

fatback — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 05:33:43 +0000

Labor Day was so awesome that my server got drunk and posted a link post from last god damn week. Sweet. Also, I went a themed wedding in New England where we had to wear costumes and get drunker than a Kennedy during prohibition. I sure hope they find the dead chick in the water. People don’t forget. Anyway. I fixed the link post from the ghost of server’s past with some serviceable pics of Britney Spears in Vegas at a topless pool looking super F’able. I would tear that shit up like a raccoon in a garbage can. Just sayin’. I have a thing for busted up chicks with low self esteem.

God. Damn. Christina Aguilera.

fatback — Thu, 15 May 2008 13:59:34 +0000

Christina Aguilera was not playing around at the Dior Show in New York this week. She wore an 80’s (60’s?) style dress circa Saved By the Bell, and completely pulled it off because of the post pregnancy BigASSTitties™.

Christina Aguilera is looking more like a character from TV show Dallas than a Dirrty girl these days.

Following in the 80s revival footsteps of Victoria Beckham, yummy mum Xtina wore this all-white power-dress to the Dior show in New York. (Mirror)

I’ve always had a mortal fear of pregnant chicks. To me they’re like the Bunyip is to the Aborigines – loud, scary and may kill you and eat you if you’re not careful. However, the one cool side effect of vomiting a baby sack out of your junk is the onset of gigantic boobies. Of course, this only works if you have a personal trainer to work out the other parts. So all you postpartum ladies driving your minivans to the Krispy Kreme drive-thru take note: If you’re still wearing the stretch pants when your baby starts to walk, you failed.

PS. Did you see that colon? Education = success.

Hayden Panettiere–Great Makeup, Nice Cleavage

Lennox Miller — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 22:29:28 +0000

I looked out my window and sure enough, pigs are flying. I mean, I’m actually going to pay Hayden Panettiere a compliment. I know I’ve ragged on her before because her massive, muscular thighs really do scare me. Plus, it icks me out that she’s 18 dating her 30 year-old co-star. But, I must admit that she looks awesome here in these pics from the 58th Berlinale Film Festival in Berlin last night.

Hayden is quite the world traveler at 18–saving whales in Japan, and attending a film festival in Germany. Anyway, her makeup artist and her stylist are to be commended for putting her look together because it comes off as gorgeous. Oh, and did you just happen to maybe notice the accidental cleavage shot above?

Motherhood Does Christina’s Body Good!

Lennox Miller — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 12:36:38 +0000

Christina Aguilera is back in action only 3 weeks post-pregnancy, and she looks amazing! She made her first public appearance at the launch of her DVD “Back to Basics: Live and Down Under” this week, and good gracious she’s glowing. Oh, and her breasts are huge. Motherhood definitely looks good on her, and it won’t slow down her career. She explained in a radio interview before the event:

“I’m so going stir-crazy in the house . . . This whole incredible thing that’s taken part in my life, between the pregnancy and the birth, I’ve got so much to be inspired about and so much in my life to write about. I’ve been brain-storming for the last nine months, actually. This next album will have a whole new me, so there’s a lot to look forward to.”

A whole lot to look forward to, and a whole lot of Christina for us to look at now . . .

[Editors note: God. Damn. -Fatback]

Christina Milian Is My Girl Friday

Lennox Miller — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 15:19:47 +0000

Happy Friday! Christina Milian is my new girl crush. After the slew of bikini pics circulating the web from this past week, she’s wrangled her way into my conscience and made me obsess over her tight stomach. I want that stomach! And you’ll notice a trend amongst photos of Christina–she is always wearing a perky, cute smile. She’s so adorable that I’ll even forgive her for playing the lead in the remake of “Can’t Buy Me Love” (i.e. “Love Don’t Cost a Thing” from 2003). I mean the original is an 80’s classic and I resent when such classics are remade. But I digress. Christina Milian has a hot, tight body and is simply adorable. Enjoy these barely-clad pics of her below . . .

Heidi Montag is Sadly Delusional

Lennox Miller — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 13:52:04 +0000

If it is at all possible for a female to be a girl a douchebag, then may Miss Lennox proclaim Heidi Montag as big of a douchy as her fiance Spencer Pratt. I had to read her new interview with Blender magazine in bits and pieces–like separated by 30 minute intervals–because the nausea that was rising up in my throat with each of Heidi’s words of wisdom needed time to go back down so that I didn’t appear like a post-binge bulimic.

Apparently Heidi is a girl of many talents and her talent stems back to early childhood:

“I’ve always been singing. I’ve been dancing since I was 2—hip-hop, jazz, tap, everything. I was a wicked stepsister in Cinderella. I was a fairy in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I was Beatrice in . . . an old English play. Acting, singing, dancing —it’s always been in me.”

Wow, Heidi, you did elementary school theater. Totally tantamount to the big screen, yeah. Anyway, let’s talk about the idiot that actually is into her, namely her fiance Spencer Pratt. He offers:

“Heidi is gonna be the biggest pop star in the world . . . you can quote me on that.”

After hearing Heidi’s first single leaked to KISS FM in L.A. a few months ago, my take is, “Heidi’s music and voice f*cking sucks balls.” Oh, and you can quote me on that.

I’d talk about more of the article here, but the nausea is coming back so check out this month’s Blender for the WonderDouche that is Heidi Montag.

Pamela Anderson’s Face Ages Naturally

Lennox Miller — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 13:19:19 +0000

Seriously y’all, when I saw these photos of Pamela Anderson from the opening of Koi in Vegas over the weekend, I froze. And it wasn’t her cleavage I was contemplating. It was the lack of plastic surgery to Pam’s face as she’s aged. Take a good look at all the expression lines on her face. All the crows feet and forehead lines that could be Botoxed away, the smile lines that could easily be filled with Juvaderm, the dark circles that could be erased with tear trough implants . . . all of these cosmetic interventions are available to a millionaire who has made her career on her looks, yet she doesn’t do any of that to her face. Instead, she ages naturally.

It’s really amazing to me because 10 years ago Pamela Anderson is the one person I would have put money on looking like Jocelyn Wilderstern come 2007 when she turned 40. But she’s letting nature take its course and showing the world what the face of 40 really looks like. And, thus for the first time ever I am able to look past her joke boobs and see that there may just be more to her than that.