Can I borrow some sugar?

Okay, so I’ve been holding on to most of these for while because a certain Men’s Magazine get’s their crotchless panties all in a wad when you post their pictures, even though is obviously fair use and it actually drives sales. But I digress. Kim Kardashian is nude. YOU HEAR THAT GOOGLE? These pics are from the photo shoot Kim did a while back for the men’s magazine in question. Some made into to glossy stapled glory and some (read: the ones without nipples) made it into the “outtake” pile. Which is just another way of saying, ‘how can we squeeze the last drop of rights management out of these once Kim starts to lose her relevance?’

But, I being a pervy blogger professional journalist, like to give credit where credit is due. First off you can thank the folks who emblazoned these pics with the little bunny for the photography. I’d also like to thank Kim Kardashian for having huge tits and wanting to show them off like a famemongering whore. And lastly, I’d like to thank Kim’s dad for setting a murderer free. God Bless America. And Twins!

The nipple ratio is so high I had to put the pic after the jump…enjoy. Feel free to not sue me.

Dude, is it cold in here?

Lindsay Lohan reportedly was allegedly asked to probably, maybe not show up for the Machete premier, says a source who knew a guy who said something that one time. Oh God, this is boring. BLOPPITY BLOOP US Magazine:

She’s done the time, but Lindsay Lohan is still paying for her crime! Though the actress was released from postjail rehab on Aug. 24 after 22 days, a source tells the new Us Weekly Robert Rodriguez, co director of her new movie, Machete, didn’t want her to attend an event for the film the next night. ”He was frantically trying to track down her manager to make sure she didn’t go,” says the source.While a 20th Century Fox rep says it’s “not true,” the source tells Us, “She wasn’t welcome there.” (via)

I’m no journalist [although I do have a press pass made of construction paper, glitter and glue], but I think they’re just making shit up. Who is this shadowy source? I have a source who tells me that I am a handsome devil and all the ladies should be falling at my feet. *winks* Thanks Grandma! Here’s Lindsay going to the parole office like the convict she is.

Leonor Watling is nude over in the NFSW section. I don’t know why I split these up anymore. There are tits errywhurr on this site. Anyway, she’s Spanish and has great tits. Like your mom, if she were Spanish. And had great tits.

I said, God Damn.

Aw shit the Emmys were last night? Damn, and I was so busy just living my life and not giving a shit. If you’re looking for Emmy coverage like ‘who was the breakout comedy winner’, and ‘who got robbed of the best actor award’, then you should look elsewhere. If you like to look at basketball sized boobies and rub your pants against the arm of the couch, then this is the place for you.  Oh. Em. Gee. Christina Hendricks. I would dive in there and just swim for days. When’s this girl gonna pick up a drug habit and start doing nudity?

God damn I love this country. Europe was great and I deeply respect their relaxed views on nudity, sodomy and ritual suicide, but where else can you decide your country’s future using a picture of enormous tits. That’s why we win all the wars. We respect America, apple pie and chicks with ridiculously sized tits. The potheads sexy kids at College Humor have more Erection 2008 coverage right here. Also, here’s what’s going on around the netz.

• Sarah Chalke (Becky 2) still smoking hot after all these months. (Phun)
• Don’t fucking touch Madonna (Allie)
• Chanelle Hayes looks for some richness in her life. ((Bastardly)
• Giselle in a music video for some reason. (Drunken Stepfather))
• Ben and Jen Affleck…kinda normal. (Celebitchy)
• Whitney Port does something, or something. Whatever. (IBBB)

God.

Almighty.

Christina Aguilera’s rack looks like it’s about to spill out like the Nile in rainy season. Maybe that’s why she did her makeup like an Egyptian drag queen. Although, I don’t think many people were looking at her eyes when she wore this dress to the VMA’s the last week. Down south we’d say that Christina Aguilera is built like a brick shithouse, and honestly I have about ZERO idea what that means. But I would like to sit her down and feed her some soul food. She looks like she’d eat some cracklin’ cornbread.

Wow. It’s like Gossip Girl central around here this week. First, it was news that Leighton Meester’s mom was caged heat and had Leighton while in custody for drug running and Blake Lively is making news with her salacious rack after leaving a David Letterman appearance. Okay that’s nowhere near as cool as being born in jail, but it has way more cleavage. Blake is just 21, so she’s got a good 3-5 years of not having to wear a bra until she’ll have to strap those babies in a nice Playtex underwire, but till then we say “let ‘em stay free, Ponyboy”. Has anyone seen Gossip Girl? It’s supposedly the highest rated show on cable behind Mad Men but I have yet to see an episode. Maybe it comes on at the same time as How It’s Made. PS. I’m never eating Pringles again.

Labor Day was so awesome that my server got drunk and posted a link post from last god damn week. Sweet. Also, I went a themed wedding in New England where we had to wear costumes and get drunker than a Kennedy during prohibition. I sure hope they find the dead chick in the water. People don’t forget. Anyway. I fixed the link post from the ghost of server’s past with some serviceable pics of Britney Spears in Vegas at a topless pool looking super F’able. I would tear that shit up like a raccoon in a garbage can. Just sayin’. I have a thing for busted up chicks with low self esteem.

• Heidi’s New Video, Now Cameltoe Free!: Celebrity Gossip With a Light Beer Aftertaste
• August 25th, 2008 – Happy Birthday Blake Lively! | Allie Is Wired
• cityrag: Olympic Cheerleaders? No Way!
• Whitney Port @ US Open Kick-Off Party | The Bastardly
• take a deep breath, heidi montag is queefin’ that kinda vibe
• Nina Moric in a Thong on the Beach of the Day
• Sophie Monk Spells Vegetarian “K-F-C” at Deceiver.com
• Beach Volleyball Gets All Wet
• 11 Valkyrie Extras threaten to sue Tom Cruise’s United Artists for $11 million
• Jess To Carrie: “My Man Ain’t Callin’ You, Bitch”

Christina Aguilera was not playing around at the Dior Show in New York this week. She wore an 80′s (60′s?) style dress circa Saved By the Bell, and completely pulled it off because of the post pregnancy BigASSTittiesâ„¢.

Christina Aguilera is looking more like a character from TV show Dallas than a Dirrty girl these days.

Following in the 80s revival footsteps of Victoria Beckham, yummy mum Xtina wore this all-white power-dress to the Dior show in New York. (Mirror)

I’ve always had a mortal fear of pregnant chicks. To me they’re like the Bunyip is to the Aborigines – loud, scary and may kill you and eat you if you’re not careful. However, the one cool side effect of vomiting a baby sack out of your junk is the onset of gigantic boobies. Of course, this only works if you have a personal trainer to work out the other parts. So all you postpartum ladies driving your minivans to the Krispy Kreme drive-thru take note: If you’re still wearing the stretch pants when your baby starts to walk, you failed.

PS. Did you see that colon? Education = success.

Hayden is quite the world traveler at 18–saving whales in Japan, and attending a film festival in Germany. Anyway, her makeup artist and her stylist are to be commended for putting her look together because it comes off as gorgeous. Oh, and did you just happen to maybe notice the accidental cleavage shot above?