Fatback Media

God.

Almighty.

Christina Aguilera’s rack looks like it’s about to spill out like the Nile in rainy season. Maybe that’s why she did her makeup like an Egyptian drag queen. Although, I don’t think many people were looking at her eyes when she wore this dress to the VMA’s the last week. Down south we’d say that Christina Aguilera is built like a brick shithouse, and honestly I have about ZERO idea what that means. But I would like to sit her down and feed her some soul food. She looks like she’d eat some cracklin’ cornbread.

Wow. It’s like Gossip Girl central around here this week. First, it was news that Leighton Meester’s mom was caged heat and had Leighton while in custody for drug running and Blake Lively is making news with her salacious rack after leaving a David Letterman appearance. Okay that’s nowhere near as cool as being born in jail, but it has way more cleavage. Blake is just 21, so she’s got a good 3-5 years of not having to wear a bra until she’ll have to strap those babies in a nice Playtex underwire, but till then we say “let ‘em stay free, Ponyboy”. Has anyone seen Gossip Girl? It’s supposedly the highest rated show on cable behind Mad Men but I have yet to see an episode. Maybe it comes on at the same time as How It’s Made. PS. I’m never eating Pringles again.

Labor Day was so awesome that my server got drunk and posted a link post from last god damn week. Sweet. Also, I went a themed wedding in New England where we had to wear costumes and get drunker than a Kennedy during prohibition. I sure hope they find the dead chick in the water. People don’t forget. Anyway. I fixed the link post from the ghost of server’s past with some serviceable pics of Britney Spears in Vegas at a topless pool looking super F’able. I would tear that shit up like a raccoon in a garbage can. Just sayin’. I have a thing for busted up chicks with low self esteem.

• Heidi’s New Video, Now Cameltoe Free!: Celebrity Gossip With a Light Beer Aftertaste
• August 25th, 2008 - Happy Birthday Blake Lively! | Allie Is Wired
• cityrag: Olympic Cheerleaders? No Way!
• Whitney Port @ US Open Kick-Off Party | The Bastardly
• take a deep breath, heidi montag is queefin’ that kinda vibe
• Nina Moric in a Thong on the Beach of the Day
• Sophie Monk Spells Vegetarian “K-F-C” at Deceiver.com
• Beach Volleyball Gets All Wet
• 11 Valkyrie Extras threaten to sue Tom Cruise’s United Artists for $11 million
• Jess To Carrie: “My Man Ain’t Callin’ You, Bitch”

Christina Aguilera was not playing around at the Dior Show in New York this week. She wore an 80’s (60’s?) style dress circa Saved By the Bell, and completely pulled it off because of the post pregnancy BigASSTitties™.

Christina Aguilera is looking more like a character from TV show Dallas than a Dirrty girl these days.

Following in the 80s revival footsteps of Victoria Beckham, yummy mum Xtina wore this all-white power-dress to the Dior show in New York. (Mirror)

I’ve always had a mortal fear of pregnant chicks. To me they’re like the Bunyip is to the Aborigines - loud, scary and may kill you and eat you if you’re not careful. However, the one cool side effect of vomiting a baby sack out of your junk is the onset of gigantic boobies. Of course, this only works if you have a personal trainer to work out the other parts. So all you postpartum ladies driving your minivans to the Krispy Kreme drive-thru take note: If you’re still wearing the stretch pants when your baby starts to walk, you failed.

PS. Did you see that colon? Education = success.

I looked out my window and sure enough, pigs are flying. I mean, I’m actually going to pay Hayden Panettiere a compliment. I know I’ve ragged on her before because her massive, muscular thighs really do scare me. Plus, it icks me out that she’s 18 dating her 30 year-old co-star. But, I must admit that she looks awesome here in these pics from the 58th Berlinale Film Festival in Berlin last night.

Hayden is quite the world traveler at 18–saving whales in Japan, and attending a film festival in Germany. Anyway, her makeup artist and her stylist are to be commended for putting her look together because it comes off as gorgeous. Oh, and did you just happen to maybe notice the accidental cleavage shot above?