Fatback Media

You’d think Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Awards would be a pedophile’s dream, yet it seems that the event was mostly filled with geriatrics . . . you know, the 25+ crowd. I mean you had your usual teenage suspects Miley Cyrus and Hayden Panettiere in attendance–by the way, nice ass shot for the kids, Hayden!–but you also had Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Love Hewitt and her Hips, and a very pregnant Jessica Alba. And speaking of Jessica Alba, is she there as a role model for 8 year olds who aspire to become pregnant before marriage? Well, I guess she is a better choice than Jamie Lynn Spears. Also, when you check out the pics from the Kids’ Choice Awards, notice Rihanna’s strange, strange face. She looks like a goddamn Star Trek character if you ask me . . .

Some huge award show took place last night. Some A-listers attended, presented, and won some awards. Can you tell that I don’t give a flying flip about the Academy Awards? Yeah, I preferred to spend my night watching classy wannabe actresses compete for the attention of an 80’s rocker sporting a weave that would make Tyra jealous. Ah, yes, Rock of Love II, baby!

On last night’s episode, the two gorgeous creatures you see in the picture above were sent home. Finally. You know that no one over 25 is going to win this competition. In Bret’s eyes, that’s just too damn old. However, I think that Mama Catherine and Road-Kill Face Peyton were kept around so long for nostalgic reasons . . . like back in the 80’s Bret had always wondered what his 21 year-old groupies would grow up to look like, and Peyton and Catherine were solid representations of this. And, so as the show moves into its next episode, we lose the two women who look like they actually did attend Poison concerts back in the day, and we also lose their 80’s hair which I marveled at every week. I believe the latter is the saddest part.

Now, for those of you who do care about that awards show last night, check out some of the dresses from the red carpet . . .