Setting the world’s record for being single the shortest amount of time ever, Avril Lavigne has found a new guy to pound her badge. None other than douche bag extraordinaire Wilmer Valderrama. I hated this dude’s voice and his overall character when he was on that shitty show That 70’s Showand now he annoys me in little bits and pieces by showing up in the tabloids.

I doubt Avril will settle in with him and will probably be back on the market after taking some new dick to the brain for a few weeks. That next hook up will be me in the disguise as a millionaire who thinks he is too good for some pop/punk chick which will make me irresistible to her. After I hit it I will call my boys and let them get sloppy seconds while we wait for the roofies to wear off. Hey man, bros before hos.

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Links that play the field

Carmen Electra might have a sex tape- IDLYITW

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Zac Efron might be banging Pixie Geldof- Holy Moly

Behind closed doors with Tom Cruise- popbytes

Christina Aguilera is an actress now- Amy Grindhouse

Ashley Tisdale is in a bikini- notorious news

The City recap- IBBB

Johnny depp is the sexiest man alive- IDLYITW

Keeley Hazell would rather go nude than wear fur- Fatback Media (NSFW)

We heard a few weeks ago that Avril Lavigne has had enough of Deryk Whibley and that she wants a divorce so she could prowl the market and get laid by smarter and richer dudes. She “officially” turned in the divorce docs today and that is why it is official. Once her divorce proceedings are over I will mention it.

Of course, just because your divorce is not finalized doesn’t mean that you can’t look for other men. Just look at Jon Gosselin. And for the record, I am available. OK I will have to call off that dinner date I have with a Russian cover girl tomorrow night and I will have to postpone my weekly visit to Playboy mansion after that, but aside from those 2 things, I can pretty much hook up any other day of the week. You see? Sacrifice. That is what keeps a relationship strong.

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Links that creep the nights

Meghan McCain is an outrage- IDLYITW

Spencer Pratt likes to masturbate- Allie Is Wired

Ashley Greene should really quit the whole Twilight thing and just be a model- Drunken Stepfather

LiLo likes the Twitter- Celeb News Wire

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Taylor Swift is going to host SNL next month- notorious news

Tina Fey was a 24-year-old virgin. Haha!- IDLYITW

Shauna Sand sex tape (for the archives)- Fatback Media (NSFW)

This is pretty good news for most people but sort of ho-hum news for others. It seems that Avril Lavigne and husband Deryk Whibley are separating after years of marriage. I don’t know why the hell she got married in the first place. It is not a cool thing to do amongst young punk rockers but Avril is a poser so I guess that makes it ok.

Some people find Avril to be goulish and snaggletoothed but Kirsten Dunst is the biggest snaggletooth of them all and I would still do her all night long. So, saying that, I would totally bang Avril if she let me. Of course I am hopping on a plane tomorrow to L.A. so I can get first dibs on the poser/punk rocker. Once I arrive she will not be able to resist my good looks and charm and we will be married at the little white chapel in Las Vegas in a matter of hours. Look out L.A.! Here I come!

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Avril Lavigne is one of those chicks who as soon as she got famous she settled down and married. She would probably have kids right now but that is not punk rock. And we all know how punk rock Avril Lavigne is. Anyway she was seen out at a club with tons of male admirers and her husband Deryk Whibley was nowhere to be found.

I understand that Avril’s song “Complicated” had a lot of potential but as soon as she got the tiniest taste of fame she instantly became one of the snobbiest chick sin Hollywood and starting writing love songs. So I hope she gets back on the market soon because I want her to be one of those trainwreck whores. Just to see her get knocked off her high horse. And maybe she can date a guy with a camera who likes nude shots. Maybe. I’m just saying.

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If they wear them, Miss Lennox will talk! Yes, more Halloween costumes from Hollywood this weekend. Though there are several pics, Dennis Rodman as Jungle Big Bird Tranny does take the cake. And, I just want to tell you how much more I loathe Spencer Pratt after seeing him in his costume. Indeed Spencer is a Superhero, a.k.a. SuperDouche.

Singer Avril Lavigne is stirring up gossip over her image for the June cover of Blender magazine, where she is featured seemingly naked from the waist up. Oooh, sinner.

Truth be told, Lavigne revealed to us before taking the stage last night, the photo shoot was a little more innocent than you think. “Actually, I’m not topless on the cover,” she said. “I was wearing a tube top, and they just kind of put a banner on top of it.”

Even if she’s not topless, the 22-year-old is still flaunting her inner bad girl. “The Blender shoot was really fun because it was super rock and roll — we had a bottle of [whiskey] and ate cupcakes,” she said. “Everyone was super cool. It was definitely a different kind of photo shoot for me.” (source)

Cupcakes are so fucking rock‘n’roll. I bet if you slice open Mick Jagger, (besides dust) you’d find a tourniquet, a stripper and dozens of tiny cupcakes. Chocolate ones, with fuckin’ sprinkles. Becuase nothing says rock like tiny baked confections. Except, not. Avril is anything but rock‘n’roll. She’s a 22 year old whino from Canada who thinks she’s badass because she cusses and dates sk8er bois. If she were a real rock chick, she’d be naked in that photo giving Joe Perry a handjob while another girl tongues her Lizard King breast tattoo. But most importantly, she wouldn’t be talking about it because she wouldn’t have to. Can you believe these new girls? None of them use birth control and they eat all the steak. Whores. Here’s Avril at the Maxim Hot 100 Party.