The National Enquirer ran a story yesterday saying that Brangelina are planning a split. Just about every blog on the internet posted the story but warned to take it with a grain of salt because of the source. I didn’t do a story on it which is surprising because I hate Brangelina more than just about anyone and I would love to see them split.

Anyway, their reps, because Brangelina are too good to stoop to the level of the mass media and actually deny a split themselves, is saying that the two are happy and will not separate. All the rep could blather was the words “not true”. I understand that he was busy getting a latte for Angelina and didn’t have the time to state a full sentence to the media in fears of Angelina throwing a cell phone at him if the coffee was cold.

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More news oozing from the Jolie-Pitt camp today. Kind of like how it oozes everyday. But this time it graced the cover of OK! magazine. Apparently Brad Pitt is sick and tired of staying at home and watching the kids while his girlfriend goes out and makes films and does humanitarian work. It is hard to say girlfriend after all this time because you would think they would have gotten married by now. But no.

According to OK! Brad is putting his foot down and demanding that they get married or the relationship is off. Also he told Angelina that he wants to be married before he has anymore kids. I am sure once they tie the knot Brad will become complacent and then after some time goes by, drops out of her life like a stone in a pond. According to the source the couple are on such hard rocks that they don’t even have sex anymore. You mean they had sex? I didn’t know that. I just figured they were adopting babies left and right because Brad was impotent or in the closet. I learn something new everyday.

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Links that prefer friendship over lust

Madonna is charitable- IDLYITW

Cutepocalypse- yeeeah

Bai Ling has talent nipples- Celeb News Wire

Lauren Conrad wants to be like Jennifer Aniston- I Don’t Want Your Life

Playmates go golfing- Attu World

The next girl Katy Perry will kiss is Rihanna- Allie Is Wired

Britney Spears dresses appropriately- IDLYITW

Jessica Simpson works at a computer store… APRIL FOOLS! Seriously, give it time though- Geno’s World

Tori Spelling is skinnier- popbytes

Violet Affleck loves ice cream- Seriously? OMG! WTF?

Halle Berry dances on Ellen- Drunken Stepfather

Russell Brand gets serious- Holy Moly

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Miley Cyrus is growing up fast- notorious news

Can you hear that? I think I just heard a pin drop. The tension in the air at Oscar night could have been cut with a knife. A very dull knife. At the 81st Academy Awards Jennifer Aniston presented the award for best animated feature to Jack Black that ironically also co-starred Angelina Jolie. The rough part of the night was the fact that Angie and Brad were sitting right there. Right there in the front where Jen Aniston could see them. During the presentation Jennifer flashed a smile at Brad but not at Angelina. Ooohh! Dis!

When asked by Us magazine if Jennifer was nervous she simply replied, “Yes!” I can understand that. I mean when you get dumped on your ass those wounds don’t heal for years. I have had a love/hate relationship with Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston for years but mostly it is a hate relationship. I just don’t see how they keep making news. Brad Pitt is one of the most boring guys in Hollywood and Jennifer Aniston only makes a new movie like once a year. So I do not see why they are in the news. But then again, here I am writing about them so they must be doing something right. Here are some more photos from Aniston at the Oscars.

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Links that have never been dumped

Kristin Bell is super cute- IDLYITW

Ashley Olsen is getting old- IBBB

Paris Hilton is still in love with Benji Madden- Holy Moly

Amanda Bynes isn’t wearing pants! Hooray! – Drunken Stepfather

The Oscars mega picture post- yeeeah

Hey look! It’s Kim Kardashian’s ass! – Celeb News Wire

Rosario Dawson: saved by gas- IDLYITW

Shhh… – Allie Is Wired

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Funny People looks like a kickass movie- Geno’s World

Slumdog Millionaire sucks- Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Nicole Richie is pregnant- notorious news

Angelina Jolie or the better half of Brangelina as most people know them spent about a half hour checking out a NYC apartment. Of course this isn’t just someapartment, it is in the upper Washington Heights rank. Leave to Brangelina to act so compassionate to the rest of the world and wanting to rebuild homes in New Orleans and save starving children in other countries and then turn around and get an apartment in a gated community where you can not even cross the toll bridge without $500,000 for the booth.

Some people would say I have a love/hate relationship with Brangelina. I am leaning towards the latter. Here are some pictures with her hauling her snot nosed, ankle biting, shit machines around NYC. I can’t even identify the kids anymore. Hell I can’t even tell which are hers and which ones she adopted. It looks to me that the one on the right is Shiloh? And the one on the left is Zahara? Or Zuma? Or Zwahili? I could care less. I hope they lose the apartment because there is a no children policy. The reason she is in NYC is because she is filming a new movie. It won’t be another Changeling. This will fail. Along with most of her other movies. My suggestion for a movie? Gia 2. This time with more bush.

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First she is pregnant. And then she isn’t. Both stories coming straight out of the pie hole of Us magazine. If they are gonna go with a story then go with the story. Don’t back track and tell people “sorry. We are retards.” The rumors started floating this time around because a waiter, apparently, asked Angelina if she wanted some wine and she, apparently, refused and said she was pregnant. But that was all a work of fiction according to Us now.

To add fuel to the fire rumors, sources were speculating that Angelina moved the production of her new movie Edwin A. Salt up because she didn’t want to show a baby bump in the flick. Is it me, or are people genuinely disgusted and bored with pregnancy rumors. Especially the ones surrounding Angelina Jolie. They already have six kids. Brad said this to Oprah Winfrey, ” It’s the greatest endeavor I’ve ever taken on. Why stop now?” Maybe because having kids isn’t an endeavor. It’s serious business. Anyway if Brad Pitt isn’t tired of having all the ankle biters around him 24/7, give him time.

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Saint Angelina has bitten off more than she could chew. With six kids, 3 biological and 3 adopted, she said it may be time to give her career the shank. She tells Italian Vanity Fair,”The kids are my priority, so its possible that from now on I will make fewer movies. I may even stop altogether.” She goes on to say that she doesn’t have the same abition she had in her 20’s. Maybe that’s because she has more money than God. That could have something to do with it.

For the life of me I do not know what makes this woman tick. I warned people since last year that if Angelina comes to your little country and you are a little kid, you should stay as far away as possible. Eating uncooked rice off the ground and wrapping ripped up t-shirts around your feet for makeshift shoes may seem bad now but Angelina will kidnap you and bring you into a life of superficial material possesions and cavallier ignorance for the poor. And if you do get adopted don’t think you will be able to suck on her ta-tas. Those are for her American kids. Her biological kids. Her REAL kids. Doesn’t sound good anymore does it?

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A videotape of Angelina doing mounds of drugs back in the 90’s is reportedly being shopped around to the highest bidder.

A source tells the National Enquirer the tape shows Jolie, before she was famous, taking drugs with friends.

The actress has admitted using hard drugs in the past. She once said, “I’ve done coke, heroin, ecstasy, LSD everything. I hate heroin because I’ve been fascinated with it. I’m not immune, but I won’t do it now, at all.” However, video proof could damage her career and reputation as a charity campaigner.

“The key part of the tape is Angelina doing heroin. She says, ‘Wow, this is really good smack – not that cheap crap that’s been stepped on.’ Angelina is seen sniffing white lines from a plate, and then as the drug cooks on tinfoil, she deeply sucks in its smoke through a tube.” (Starpulse)

To be fair, drugs are actually pretty cool. I mean, all the cool kids do them, they make you feel good and sometimes they even get you laid. So all in all, I’d say that Sgt. McGruff is just a dick. What the fuck does he know? He’s a dog for God’s sake. In a trench coat.

Reports were everywhere yesterday that Angelina Jolie and her estranged father, actor Jon Voight, had a secret meeting in New York, but turns out it didn’t happen. Us Magazine says:

Though a source tells Us it was the late Marcheline Bertrand’s “dying wish” that ex-husband Jon Voight, 68, and their daughter, Angelina Jolie, 32, make amends, it hasn’t happened yet. The Internet buzzed with rumors of a truce when Voight was spotted October 7 at the Waldorf-Astoria, the NYC hotel where Jolie is staying. But Voight’s rep tells Us, “It’s all a mistake. They didn’t see each other all weekend.”

Whew, that was close. If I was Brad Pitt, I’d talk to someone about taking a restraining order out on Jon Voight, because nothing beats big tits and daddy issues. They only thing that might be better is a hot chick with the self-esteem of a nuclear spill victim. All you have to do is say her hair looks nice and two minutes later her panties will be on the ceiling fan and you’ll be getting rode like a mechanical bull.

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I know that Angelina Jolie went on Skeleton Alert like six months ago, but I mean, really now! Angelina is actually someone I never expected to go the way of anorexia because she always seemed too cool to be mainstream, and as we all know, every troubled starlet in Hollywood hops on the anorexic train. I expected more out of her.

But I’m pretty sure the question of whether Angelina has implants has been answered by this latest photo of her all gaunt but somehow sporting round breasts. I guess her weight loss has indeed been good for something.

Now enjoy the pics below back from when Angelina looked like the kind of girl Miss Lennox would gladly jump the fence for . . .

Someone give that girl some soul food. I mean, she’s been to Africa, and that’s the mother of all souls but girlfriend needs some sammies. I’ve got a cure for that flat ass and those bony arms; it’s called fried chicken and sweet potato pie. Maybe you’ve heard of it? It’s not that she isn’t gorgeous. She’s got that motherly glow, totally in-love, blood drinker thing going for her; it’s just that if you take away those 15 pounds of hair and 9 pound lips, you’re left with a skeleton with some gnarly tattoos in expensive shoes.

Here are a few pics of her the Oceans 13 premiere. Enjoy Angelina Skeletor at your own leisure.

{Ed. note: I don’t know Em, she still has her rack. Other than that she’s real fat fatty.-Fatback}