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Singer, crackhead, hottie dead-man-walkin’ Amy Winehouse has smoked so much crack that she has emphysema - a disease usually relegated to lifelong chain-smoking coal miners.

Amy Winehouse, who has been hospitalized and undergoing tests after collapsing, is suffering the early stages of emphysema, her father says.

“With smoking the crack cocaine and the cigarettes her lungs are all gunked up,” Mitch Winehouse tells the Sunday Mirror in the U.K. “There are nodules around the chest and dark marks. She’s got 70 percent lung capacity.” (PEOPLE)

I’m no psychologist but I think it’s safe to say that Amy Winehouse loves drugs. She loves drugs like Christians love Jesus and little kids love puppies. I think if you asked Amy Winehouse to chew off her own leg or stop smoking crack for a half day she would say, “Can I get some Lowry’s? Because nothing brings out the flavor of leg like some Lowry’s seasoning salt.” It’s true.

I’m truly sorry to post this picture of Amy Winehouse nearly naked, but I feel like everyone needs to share the horror with me. Granted, Amy looks much less bony than what I would have pictured she’d look like naked . . . only I don’t picture her naked, as I like to keep all of my food down after meals. Anyway, this picture is from her shoot with the British magazine Easy Living, and somehow Amy being naked was to raise awareness for breast cancer. I kind of think it’s more like raising awareness of the effects of crack and smack. Oh, and one little suggestion for Amy . . . next time you find yourself having to use duct tape on your breasts for a shoot, pull those flapjacks up and then tape in an upward direction. Believe me, you need the added lift!

If the new look of Amy Winehouse is any indication, she’s headed for a starring role in a zombie flick. Amy bought a new tanning bed, some say to help clear up the festering pustules on her face. I swear up and down the bitch is melting.

Whine, whine, whine, Amy Winehouse needs help, Amy Winehouse needs someone to save her. Bitch and moan, but what I say she needs is to stop moldering like that shit in the back of some college kid’s fridge and grow the fuck up. Addicted to drugs, eating prostitute snatch, and sucking every dog cock that comes your way will eventually give you herpes of the head, you know.

Nasty. If you are jacking off to these pics, email me. I have some links to send you for more zombie porn.

Just when you think Amy Winehouse has given up the crack . . . okay, that joke was simply too obvious, I know. Anyway, Amy and her ass crack were out and about in London running errands, and lo and behold poor lil’ Amy couldn’t cough up money for cab fare, or so the story goes. You know how reliable those are. Supposedly she had to run in her house and scrounge around for enough money to pay the cabbie. Only Amy Winehouse could sell millions of records yet not have enough money on her to pay cab fare. Though, if she were a true crack whore, she’d have found others ways to repay the cab driver!

I’m incapable of going a week without blogging about Amy Winehouse. I really thought she’d be dead by now, but since she’s not I just take it as a sign from God to keep writing about this perfect creature. Let’s catch up on Amy’s life:

“Good Blake”: Kelly Osbourne introduced Amy to another Blake, Blake Wood, who is now her new pal around town in London. Blake is dubbed “Good Blake” as a contrast to Amy’s hubby, a drug addict currently serving time in the slammer. Good Blake is a vegetarian who doesn’t drink and is a good influence on Amy’s sobriety, but the problem is that they were spotted last week spending the night together in a hotel. Amy claims he’s gay so nothing is happening and it’s not a big deal. Hubby, Blake Incarcerated feels differently.

Tweaked Blake: Ah, Blake Fielder-Civil. Pure class. Maybe it was reports of Amy and Good Blake spending too much time together that drove Blake to heroin while in jail, but whatever the cause, he nearly died from shooting up tainted junk while in jail. He collapsed in pain after shooting up the substance and was rushed to the jail’s hospital along with six other dumbass inmates who did the same. Did I mention he had already failed three drug tests prior to this heroin emergency? Yeah.

Amy: She’s taken her grotesque black makeup to another level and drew on a black tear under her left eye. Apparently she wants us all to know she’s sad to have almost lost Tweaked Blake. I wonder how sad she is that he allegedly bought the fake heroin by selling her photos to a prisonmate?

Here’s Amy in photos from yesterday. Lovely!