Pretty soon American Idol will be back on the air with one major change, Paula Abdul’s drunk “I love everybody” ass will not be there and instead you will get Ellen DeGeneres which will take every cheap joke opportunity that is thrown at her and will probably make an ass of herself while trying to make those cheap jokes.

Simon will still be a dickhead extraordinaire and my prediction is that Simon will make Ellen cry within the first week. That has been my prediction since it was announced that she would be judging. American Idol will be a bloodbath this year and I can not wait to see what happens. Some people are saying Simon is gonna leave and since he has like 18 billion dollars in his bank account, there is no real reason for him to stick around. 

Ellen is not giving up her show and Oprah just announced that she is ending her show in 2011. This gives Ellen the opportunity to become one of the most influential women in America and totally dominate the daytime ratings but she would rather be a meek, underpaid judge on AI. Moron. 

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Jessica Alba looked slammin’ at The People’s Choice Awards- IDLYITW

Amanda Bynes does Maxim- Geno’s World

Lady GaGa is fashionable- Celebrity Dirty Laundry

Amanda Seyfried ruins a see through moment- Drunken Stepfather

Ashley Greene is naked again- yeeeah

Hannah Montana is over!- notorious news

Carrie Underwood was at The People’s Choice Awards- IDLYITW

Nuts hot chicks of 2010- Fatback Media (NSFW)

Kara DioGuardi doesn’t exactly fit in with all of the other American Idol judges. She is kind of the dark horse. Of course being a dark horse would mean she is a really good AI judge and that for now she is just misunderstood and will eventually prove herself. I don’t believe this.

In an interview on ABC’s The Viewone of those cunts asked her if she thought that Adam Lambert was gay. She said, ” I don’t think that Adam [Lambert] was ever in [the closet].” But this dipshit had to know that people have been speculating about his sexuality for weeks and he hasn’t publicly said he is gay yet. This is just another train wreck judge stepping on her own tongue. Before Paula was a drunken mess who couldn’t keep her trap shut but since AI has deemed her a drunken invalid that is too fucked up to function, they hired Kara to make all the press.

I personally would wish that Adam would just own up and say “yea I’m gay.” One report speculated that if Adam won it would be because he is gay and that if he lost it would be because he is gay. I think people voted genuinely last week and voted for who they thought was the better singer. Or musician as a whole. And I agree, Kris Allen has more talent. This story isn’t about Adam Lambert being gay or straight. It is about how Kara is a moron and can’t shut her mouth when it is more important. Congratulations Kara. I will probably not be seeing you next year. Kara= FAIL.

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Clay Aiken is a loser. I understand a lot of people think he is an amzing singer, and are just gaga over him, but I don’t think he is all that great. He is openly gay and that takes a lot of courage to be in the media spotlight and I respect him for that. But that doesn’t change my opinion that he is a whining little bitch. He proves just how whiney and how bitchy he can be on his personal blog on his official websites that you have to pay to join.

He says on Adam Lambert and the American Idol season finale, ” This year, I happened to turn it [on] during the minute that Adam Lambert was singing “Ring Of Fire” and, at that moment, thought my ears would bleed. Contrived, awful and slightly frightening!” OK, no top 2 American Idol winners sing that bad. Clay is just pissed because Adam Lambert is totally gonna steal the gay AI spotlight away from him and Clay Gaiken will continue to have a shallow and pathetic life.

If it makes him feel any better, I am sure if he gets exhausted from all the media hype surrounding AI and all the gay controversy that has been following AI through the years, he can always go home to mama where she will take his rectal temperature and make him some warm milk and cookies. Oh that Clay Aiken’s mother. So warm. So soft. So caring.

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Links that built their own independent music career

Fergie is a natural methhead beauty- IDLYITW

Hayden Panettiere is STILL in a bikini- Drunken Stepfather

Blake Lively got breast implants- yeeeah

The American Idol finale was as big as expected- Amy Grindhouse

Someone call Jessica Alba bean breath- I Don’t Want Your Life

Vern Troyer is still getting pussy- Holy Moly

Kelly Clarkson: “I don’t believe in dieting” – IDLYITW

Paris Hilton sluts it up like she hasn’t done in years- notorious news

Jean-Claude Van Damm has a huge package- Celeb News Wire

Cute college girl of the day- College Humor

Miranda Kerr is officially off the market- Allie Is Wired

New clip from Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince- Geno’s World

Kate Hudson should really not dye her hair- Seriously? OMG! WTF?

Fire in a bottle- mashup- popbytes

The American Idol finale was last night and like you, I was glued to my set. OMG can you believe David won? Hahahaha. Not really, dumbass. See you thought we were going to be friends just now. And we could IM about what Syesha wore last week and which David was going to win and we’d giggle and LOL. And you’d tell me about that time in middle school when you did something inappropriate with your My Little Pony because you had strange feelings. And then afterward, it was awkward and it just felt weird to have My Little Pony hanging out with the rest of your dolls, because you know, now she was damaged goods and Malibu Barbie called her a whore and you know what bitch she can be.

David Cook wins! Hurray for America!

Idol Finalist and Fatback Media country fried fave, Kristy Lee Cook had herself a diva moment in her hometown of Grants Pass, OR this week when she called a local salon to get a mani-pedi. Except not.

Kristy asked to be ushered in through the back door to avoid the crowds of adoring fans. Only problem, there weren’t any!  No one at the salon had even heard of her. Needless to say, Cook walked in unharmed by the swarm of no one and got her nails and feet did. It’s hard being famous y’all! (TMZ)

Here, here. Maybe if she was little more racy, she would have been remembered. Take Katharine McPhee. Can we name 1 song she sang on American Idol? No. We remember tits & ass and yellow dresses. You have to push the envelope, baby. Actually, take the envelope run it through the shredder. Nude. Then you’ll be on the right track. Maybe she could have been the foul mouthed country girl who could change a truck tire and always had a dirty joke handy. Like these:

1. What do you get when you accidentally run over a 4 year old? An erection.
2. Wow, that’s the worst thing I’ve ever put in my mouth except my father’s dick.

Comedy. Gold. I have to give credit where filthy credit is due. The first joke is by my man Quist-gon-jin, and the second is from a collection by JGA. Remember Kristy, nobody remembers the stuck up country princess, but they do remember the country whore.

American Idol contestant Carly Smithson’s song choice – and not her voice- may have been the deciding factor in her ouster last week from the “singing” competition. From the NYT:

Carly Smithson might be the first “American Idol” contestant to be voted off the show for blasphemy.

Online chat boards devoted to “American Idol” have been abuzz since Ms. Smithson performed the title song from “Jesus Christ Superstar” – the 1970 rock opera, which many Christians consider offensive – on Tuesday’s episode. Ms. Smithson received the fewest votes of the six remaining contestants following her Tuesday performance.   ***

“Jesus Christ Superstar” has been railed against by some Christians for its portrayal of Jesus as confused and at times unwilling to accept his role, and because it hints that he had a sexual relationship with Mary Magdalene.

In the title song, Judas Iscariot rebukes Jesus for poor planning in his choice of when and where to present himself on earth and asks Jesus to contrast himself with Buddha and Muhammad. (NYT)

What the Christ loving fuck, dude? I had to write a review for Jesus Christ Superstar when I was in college (down south) for a journalism class. When I told my grandmother, she said that I was going to burn in hell if I saw it. I said, first of all, I think Jesus wants me to get an A, and if that means seeing play that your preacher doesn’t like, then I think J-man would totally turn the other cheek on that shit. Second, How can you not go see a play about Jesus where the orchestra is an actual rock band with guitars and wah wahs and shit, and where Judas is a hot black chick with her tits hanging out? You can’t grandma, you can’t. Now shut the fuck up and make me some fried chicken.

The point of all this is: You’ve won again middle American self-righteous Wal-Mart shoppers. Please elect another republican so I can pay higher gas prices and more of my friends can die in a baseless war. Yes, I just attributed the downfall of western civilization to American Idol voters. See you in hell.

Kristy Lee Cook, the great white hope for worshipers of Jesus, NASCAR and Lee Greenwood, was sadly eliminated from American Idol on Wednesday. However, she just announced that she’s engaged to be married.

A day after her American Idol ousting, Kristy Lee Cook announced she is getting hitched. Cook, 24, said her 25-year-old beau, Andrew Dobner, first popped the question on March 17. They kept the news “on the down-low” because “I just wanted to be focused on Idol” (Us)

Kristy Lee Cook reminds me of Kristy Swanson (back in the day) a little bit. I’m gonna miss her. Not only from American Idol, but from being a hot little country chick with Jesus on her side. Everybody knows that it’s the dream of all smokin’ hot country girls to get married early, cut her hair short, and get fat so she can quit her job and drive the kids to school in a minivan filled with french fries and M&M’s. Sometimes I take out my high school yearbook and just weep at what the world has lost. Momento Mori, Kristy.

Now that we’re down to the final 6 on American Idol and my country hottie Kristy Lee Cook is gone, I’ve been feeling nostalgic for the good old days. A time when American Idol contestants felt it was their God given right to bring scandal and nudity to a prime time family show. I miss Antonella Barba, my Jersey queen.

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Kelly Clarkson.

Gross. If she ever loses her Vitamin Water contract, she would be a great spokesperson for Proactiv–they wouldn’t even need to Photoshop her “before” pictures. Anyway, I guess that millions of dollars can buy a girl a lot of things, but for Kelly proper dematology treatments is not one of them. Let’s look at Kelly in a bikini sans noticeable bacne and on the beach last summer . . .

[Fatback's note: 'ROID RAGE! GRRRRR!]

All that aside . . Melinda has an amazing, warm personality! As conversations that involve me typically do, it quickly devolved into being all about me when she complimented my purple eye shadow–MAC pigment in “Violet,” thank you. I meant to ask her if she was recording an album–but we got talking about me. Anyway, if you loved Melinda on Season 6 of AI, you’d love her more in person. She’s really pretty, taller than I thought she’d be, and just a very warm person. It was so cute to watch her hug all over a two year boy who was sitting on her lap.

I told her that she was the only female contestant from AI that I would consider coming out to see–hot male ones, yeah, but any other female no. Speaking of “hot” male contestants, have a gander at the “hot” one this year, Michael Lee Johns, i.e. Michael Hutchence and Jim Morrison wannabe . . .