Not that this is actually big news, but Ali Larter, the actress on the show Heroesthat isn’t Hayden Panettiere got married over the weekend. She married her long time boyfriend Hayes MacArthur in a ceremony in Kennebunkport, Maine. You see I do not understand this. A couple of days ago we saw Ali bending over and getting a nice shot of her ass and I thought to myself “now that is a good girl to hit it and quit it” but this douche decides to marry her making the rest of the guys out there look like assholes if they don’t marry the first thing they fuck.

I have to say, this is not a sound investment. Ali is 33 years old and isn’t getting any younger. So he has about 7 years. If he is lucky 10 that he will be able to show up at a red carpet event and show off his trophy wife. Cause God knows, that face is gonna be sagging soon. There is always plastic surgery but that is always a roll of the dice. Of course this girl will be gone and all but forgotten when Heroes gets cancelled or ends in a few years. Color me unmarried.

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Apologies to Willie, but having a cowboy as your hero is a little uh… YMCA for me.

Here’s Heroes star Ali Larter gettin’ her cowgirl on down in the ‘bu. Malibu has become The Ivy if southern California beaches. What was once the rich person’s private getaway is now the place for the Heidi Montag’s of the world to cavort in the ubiquitous bikini sporting the “Whaaa…? A photographer?? WHERE?!?!?” look. I digress..

Ali Larter is an American Hero of slender, sinewy muscular proportions. Here’s how to take a regular hot chick and make her a hero. Add 2 or more of the following:

1. Cowboy hat (worn ironically of course)
2. bikini
3. 1-3 dogs (one of which must be adorably ugly)
4. Water
5. All of the above in my apartment (minus the ugly dog)

More Ali heroically emerging from the mighty pacific. PS. Nice shave.