fatback
the CEO of Fatback Media , a mind blowing blog empire. His job is to be a full time editor, SEO, salesman, IT geek, programmer, blogger, techie and gadget guru who never sleeps and is always #1 at everything.
Homepage: http://www.fatbackandcollards.com
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Posts by fatback
AMERICA. Fuck yeah!
Jul 7th
Happy 4th of July Americans! This is the day we celebrate kicking every one else’s ass in every war ever. As the last superpower standing, we come together every year and blow shit up on the day our forefathers signed the Declaration of Independence from our British oppressors. Those brave men signed a document that meant that all people had the right to live in freedom without worry of religious or government interference – as long as you were a white upper class property owner living in Boston, New York or Philadelphia. Fuck yeah!
It took us a few hundred years to figure out the racism part, but in those few hundred years we decided that America stands for truth, justice and hot chicks in bikinis. True story. They’re adding a book to the Bible right now called the Book of America and on page one is a picture of Marisa Miller. She’s half naked and she embodies everything that Jesus and John Hancock had in mind. So raise your glass of Sam Adams, here’s to America. The haters can suck a bald eagle dick.
[Ed. note: Okay, so I published this a bit late. Beer, BBQ, & bikinis are to blame... F.]
[pics]
MMmmm-hmm
Jul 3rd
So…they are gay right? Camilla Belle and Maria Sharapova have been BFF’s for a while now. So much so that sources say that they may be having sensuous erotic girl on girl sexy relations. Top sources include me and my cock/balls.
Also in attendance were Camilla Belle and Maria Sharapova, who talked tennis and clothes. “This is my first couture show,” enthused Sharapova, while Belle raved about recently attending the Wimbledon tennis tournament in London. (WWD)
Again. In the immortal words of Laverne: MMmmm-hmm. Camilla’s at Wimbeldon cheering Maria on, Camilla’s at a fashion show cheering Maria on, Camilla’s on my couch cheering Maria on. Wait, that last part was written by Mortimer Ichabod Marker in my Judy Blume ‘Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing’ Diary. He can be such kidder!
A-Rod’s Wife is Banging Lenny Kravitz
Jul 3rd
If you’re a man’s man like me, you keep up with the sports even though it’s your job to write about bullshit celebrity gossip. So it’s nice when every now and then the two world’s cross. Like today. Turns out Alex Rodriguez (A-Rod), who has recently been linked to Madonna [which simultaneously excites and creeps me out] may have to keep his wife on a short leash because she’s reportedly banging Lenny Kravitz [whose mom was on the Jefferson's as the the lady who married the white guy].
Cynthia Rodriguez, 34, has been in Paris for at least the past four days visiting Grammy-winner Kravitz. C-Rod was seen outside the 44-year-old Kravitz’s pad in the romantic City of Light as recently as Tuesday night. Meanwhile, A-Rod has been in New York with the Bronx Bombers, reading headlines about his numerous visits to Madonna’s Upper West Side apartment, which were first reported by Us Weekly on Tuesday. (NY POST)
Cynthia Rodriguez is pretty hot and she looks like she could be on American Gladiators so I see why Lenny Kravitz is hitting that. I bet she cuddles the shit out of Lenny Kravitz at night.
A-Rod was named AL MVP for the third time last years and he consistently bats well, but some reason he’s considered a pariah by Yanks fans because of his low post-season batting averages. But then Yankees fans are little snooty. Either way, he makes more money than the whole national GDP of some Latin American countries, so that qualifies him to bang whomever he chooses. It’s in our constitution by God. Sports heroes, politicians and Kennedy’s get money for nothin’ and chicks for free. With the occasional socialite murder thrown in for good measure.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to ask my friend Sarah to explain the infield fly rule. What’s that all about?
Spencer Pratt is Dirty Douche Water
Jul 2nd
Why is this guy famous? What does he do? Spencer Pratt rattles on about how he’s a “businessman”, but he’s no more than a self-righteous sanctimonious dick who gets everything he wants and treats everyone like shit. Therefore I think it is essential that multiple people kick his ass. The cool thing about rich kids is that a dude that pumps gas can still beat their sissy ass into a bloody, toothless mess. And no matter how many lawyers daddy hires and how much jail time someone gets for it, you still got your ass pounded and that shit stings.
I’m not inciting violence or threatening, so much as I’m just appealing to your sense of duty to human race. Do the right thing. Rocks are your friends. Here’s Spencer rolling back his foreskin and showing us his dick.
Pratt, 24, fired off a tersely-written statement to Usmagazine.com after [Mary Kate] Olsen, 22, told David Letterman The Hills star used to throw temper tantrums during their high school soccer games.”I apologize for getting caught up in trash talking, but she brought up an emotional subject when she mentioned the soccer stuff,” Pratt tells Us exclusively.”I know Dave was just doing his job in asking her,” he went on. “He’s the best in the game at that.” (US)
I love it when spoiled rich kids fight. It makes me forget about all the other cruel shit in world so I can focus my attention on brats who never had a day of strife in their life. Then I remember that they suck and also that Wal-Mart sells automatic rifle shells. You know what would be a cool super hero? The Malibu Punisher.
Here’s Heidi Montag, Pratt’s business partner in the final days before she gives up and becomes a porn star. Jesus loves her too!
