fatback

So my dream of landing Hollywood’s last unruined unmarried hottie is now over. BriAusGree and MeFo were married in Hawai’i last week and blah blah blah. Let the Pulitzer candidates at Star tell you what happened.

“They had a fairly large wedding, but there were clearly more security people than guests!” the insider tells Star. “They had so many security people that they had to call in local security because the hotel security alone wouldn’t do. It was very hush hush. Everyone was sworn to secrecy.”

The location of the wedding — which took place Thursday or Friday — was the Four Seasons Hualalai at Historic Ka’upulehu on the big island of Hawaii. The hotel has many amenities like a golf course and a spa. The hotel is known for throwing big, A-list weddings.

If you made it through that. Wait! There’s mo’…

Just days earlier Megan had lost her two-carat diamond engagement ring from Excalibur jewelry store in Beverly Hills in the Hawaiian sand after Brian re-proposed. After much searching the ring was not found.

And by much searching they mean Brian Austin Green crawling around in tears while Megan huffed. “All this sun is making me tired… *makes pouty  face, blows Tiki bartender*