Archive for October, 2009
Paris Hilton Has Demands
Oct 19th
Paris Hilton has crawled out of her movie role slump and has actually gotten a pretty decent role. Of course this will require zero acting because she is going to play herself. Apparently she will only be on the set for one day but she is demanding a bottle of Grey Goose vodka and live lobsters to be prepared for that day.
If I were in charge of the celebrity demands, I would give her live crawdads and a bottle of Smirnoff ice. That should send a message. Of course if Paris really got hungry she could just boil some of those crabs that are crawling around on her crotch but I hear the vagisil she rubs on everyday would make them taste soapy. Paris does not like soapy.
Image via
Lindsay Lohan is Headed to Court
Oct 16th
Lindsay Lohan got busted like a million years ago for drunken driving and since then, to avoid jailtime, she agreed to have one of those breathalyzer car starters installed on her vehicle and is not allowed to drink pretty much ever by law in California. Somehow she violated that agreement and has to go to court this week.
According to TMZ the crime is a misdemeanor and most people can just send their attorneys to court and the actual person doesn’t have to show up themselves but probably because the judge wants to see his/her name in the papers, they are ordering Lohan to show up herself. I had this same thing happen to me last year and when the judge asked my about driving down the sidewalk on a crowded street I said, “joo fink joo can put jail in me? I’ll put jail in joo.” There was some sort of misunderstanding and I ended up cleaning paper cups off the side of the highway for the next two months. I am sure Lindsay’s court hearing going the same way but with less orange jumpsuits and more black leggings.
Image via
Links that are on a chain gang
Halle Berry has some rockin’ cleavage- IDLYITW
Ivanka Trump and her big breats play beer pong- Geno’s World
Britney Spears sluts it up for her new music video- Celebrity Dirty Laundry
Nicholas Cage owned a fucking castle!- Drunken Stepfather
Madonna considered suicide, disappoints earth- yeeeah
Jon Gosselin is getting sued by TLC- notorious news
Who wants cake?- IDLYITW
Vikki Blows strips off for a magazine, again- Fatback Media (NSFW)
Balloon Boy’s Parents Are Attention Whores
Oct 16th
Yesterday there was about 2 hours worth of coverage on CNN and MSNBC while a giant helium filled balloon streaked across the Colorado mountainside. Many people believed that a boy named Falcon Henne (irony) was trapped inside and hence got the name balloon boy. Everyone was freaking out and the state deployed the National Guard to monitor the balloon and tons of resources were wasted keeping track of the object.
The only problem was, the kid wasn’t in the balloon. He was safely inside the attic hiding in a cardboard box. Of course after the incident the family immediately took advantage of the press and went on like every single talkshow on earth. But it doesn’t stop there. The mother of the boy was once on a show called Wife Swapwhich I vaguely remember and I think it is cancelled now. When Wolf Blitzer asked the boy why he didn’t come out of the attic when his parents were calling his name he said, “You said to do this for the show.”
This just proves that the parents are attention whores and just wanted a little bit of publicity so they exploited their child to do so. Hindsight is 20/20 so I guess I can look back on this situation and laugh but if this little bitch of a mother tries to launch a reality series after this, I am gonna be pissed because this world is FULL of d-lister reality tv stars and it is hard to keep track of them all and it pisses me off.
Image via
Avril Lavigne is Officially Back on The Market
Oct 15th
We heard a few weeks ago that Avril Lavigne has had enough of Deryk Whibley and that she wants a divorce so she could prowl the market and get laid by smarter and richer dudes. She “officially” turned in the divorce docs today and that is why it is official. Once her divorce proceedings are over I will mention it.
Of course, just because your divorce is not finalized doesn’t mean that you can’t look for other men. Just look at Jon Gosselin. And for the record, I am available. OK I will have to call off that dinner date I have with a Russian cover girl tomorrow night and I will have to postpone my weekly visit to Playboy mansion after that, but aside from those 2 things, I can pretty much hook up any other day of the week. You see? Sacrifice. That is what keeps a relationship strong.
Image via
Links that creep the nights
Meghan McCain is an outrage- IDLYITW
Spencer Pratt likes to masturbate- Allie Is Wired
Ashley Greene should really quit the whole Twilight thing and just be a model- Drunken Stepfather
LiLo likes the Twitter- Celeb News Wire
Cute college girl of the day- College Humor
Taylor Swift is going to host SNL next month- notorious news
Tina Fey was a 24-year-old virgin. Haha!- IDLYITW
Shauna Sand sex tape (for the archives)- Fatback Media (NSFW)
