Archive for March, 2009
RiRi Got Stopped My The Pigs
Mar 19th
Rihanna has been playing the victim for some time now. And rightfully so. But last night when Rihanna was leaving Les Deux nightclub in L.A. she was pulled over by the cops. For some reason or another Rihanna is incapable of driving herself and when she was pulled over it was her driver that had to answer questions by the po. The reason for them being pulled over was no front license plate and tinted windows.
I can understand the tinted windows bu I am not sure why they didn’t have a front license plate. I am assuming this is some sort of car service and that the vehicle didn’t actually belong to Rihanna. The question is, why the fuck is she out partying anyway? Is she such an attention whore that she would rather go out and get photographed by the paparazzi and face awkward questions from total strangers about hooking back up with Chris Brown instead of staying low key until the trial blows over? That does it for me. If she is gonna get her ass kicked and then hook back up with the same guy and then go out and party as if nothing happened then fuck her. My feeling sorry for her has officially ended. Don’t get me wrong. I still want to see Chris Brown do years in prison for the incident, but I could care less what happens to Rihanna now.
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Links that have a suspended driver’s license
Natasha Richardson is ‘irreplaceable’ – IDLYITW
American Idol- sing for your supper- Allie Is Wired
Blake Lively and Leighton Meester like ice cream- Celeb News Wire
Brit Brit and K-Fed are falling in love again- yeeeah
Jessica Alba has a killer ass- I Don’t Want Your Life
Carrie Underwood has a pink ass- Drunken Stepfather
American Idol is rigged. Well maybe not- IDLYITW
How to lose friends and alienate people looks like a funny movie- Holy Moly
Even Lindsay Lohan is getting heckled- IBBB
Octomom can’t catch a break- Geno’s World
The Tudors are back. Fuck yea! – popbytes
Cute college girl of the day- College Humor
Jewel likes being a snaggletooth- Seriously? OMG! WTF?
Britney Spears doesn’t know how to write- notorious news
Get Crunk With JT
Mar 19th
Justin Timberlake is seen as a cool guy in a lot of peoples eyes. I just think of him as that douche bag who got to bang Britney Spears when she was still hot. To show even more people that he is a cool guy he is releasing a new type of tequila called 901. Of course since JT is such a trendy guy you can only buy it in LasVegas, Los Angeles, New York and St.Louis.
I saw a picture of this tequila and it is that clear crap that party girls dink in their margaritas because realtequila looks ugly. What is with the strange name? Justin’s spokesperson said, ” 901 is that time of night when your evening is ending, but your night is just beginning. It is also a subtle nod to his hometown.” Of course the name means nothing. The only way to truly test a brand of hard liquor is to serve it to drunk college girls and see how quickly they shed their clothing. If they have been drunk for more than 10 minutes and they haven’t shed at least two items of clothing, the drink has failed. I will do my own field test of 901 this Friday night. If it doesn’t work, instead of trying to get my money back, I will track down JT and smash the bottle over his head.
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Chris Brown And RiRi Are “Taking A Break”
Mar 18th
After Chris Brown beat Rihanna to a pulp, they started feeling sorry for each other and they hooked back up. They even recorded a duet together. Now Rihanna flew to New York to hang out with some of her other music mogul friends while chris Brown stayed back in L.A. to record a cd that no one on earth is going to buy. Sources say that Chris is just obsessed with his music and that is why he didn’t make the trip.
Truth be told, if he ever showed his facein the presence of Jay-Z and other music stars, they would probably beat the shit out of him. That and the fact that Rihanna is probably sick and tired of dating someone who looks like they are 15 years old. You know I have been in a similar situation before. I have had to smack around hos now and then. Give em’ my 2 cents. Put them in their place. And the result was unquestioned loyalty and total service on their part. Get me a lemonade was no longer a request but a direct order. And in the end, we were both better for it. So watch out Chris Brown. Don’t let your little slave escape to NYC where her music friends will fill her head with ideas of liberalism and freedum. Keep that bitch under your thumb.
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Links that are in a solid relationship
Everyone is ugly next to Doutzen Kroes- IDLYITW
Kentucky Fried Chicken doesn’t have “chefs” – IBBB
Natasha Richardson is not dead- Holy Moly
Faye Dunaway looks like a burn victim- Drunken Stepfather
Hayden Panettiere is a pig- I Don’t Want Your Life
Reese Witherspoon is off the market? Doubt it- yeeeah
Amber Le Bon is a model- IDLYITW
Guy Ritchie has moved on from Madonna- Celeb News Wire
Lady Gaga wants to bang Prince Harry- Allie Is Wired
Tori Amos has a new kickass single- popbytes
Octomom brings home two of her octuplets- Geno’s World
American Idol’s Adam Lambert is scary- Seriously? OMG! WTF?
Cute college girl of the day- College Humor
Octomom gets swarmed by paparazzi- notorious news
Christina Ricci Is Off The Market
Mar 18th
I am usually pretty sad when a hot Hollywood starlet gets engaged and is no longer able to face the wrath of my penis. But today, I am not so sad. Christina Ricci just got engaged to her boyfriend Owen Benjamin. I guess I should call him her fiance now, but I won’t because fiance is a gay word. I don’t even see how they have sex. She is 5’1 and he is 6’6! That means when they are in the missionary position, her feet are kicking him in the knees.
Christina looked great naked in Prozac Nationor whatever that piece of shit film was called. But ever since she got that bird tattooed on her chest, I have not really had a thing for her. I love tats but that one is just sour for me. Ricci being the saddist she is, more than likely will go nude in almost all of her movies now just to rub it in the public’s face that they will not be getting a piece of that. What do I say? Have fun Ricci. The day I lust after you is the day I lose my penis in a concrete mixer accident.
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