Fatback Media

If Megan Fox was trying to look like she wasn’t the hottest girl that has ever lived, well sir, she has FAILED. Miserably. Even other hot chicks don’t even fight it anymore. They just sigh and try to act gracious when they call her “pretty”, then they go home and cry and fuck ugly dudes just to ride the tiger by the tail and feel special again for a minute or two. Megan Fox is what the ancient druids called “Stonehenge-ish” (magically hot enough to cause an erection of monolithic stone). I bet right after she has sex with Brian Austin Green he can read minds and see into the future a little bit. She’s the closest thing to god we’ll ever be able to look at. Or… follow home from the Ivy after she visited that cute little shop on Rodeo where she bought a SHAZAM novelty t-shirt that you just know will go great with those new skinny jeans that she just put into the dryer. I had no idea that you could buy a blue clothes dryer. I’ll need to check BestBuy.com when I get home.