Fatback Media

Kelly Brook just broke up with Billy Zane. While, I’m saddened by the fact that Billy will now have to serve Satan for eternity because his deal has expired, mostly I’m just saying, holyfuckyes!.

The 28-year-old former Big Breakfast presenter has decided she is too young to marry.

Billy, 42, is now moving back to Los Angeles for good after moving out of their £1million farmhouse in Kent.

A source told The Sun: “After much soul-searching, Kelly decided that Billy is not the man she wants to marry and has called off the engagement. (Daily Mail)

Now if you please, Kelly and I would appreciate your prayers and a little privacy while we break some biblical taboos.

Oh, if you’ve forgotten what Kelly Brook looks like naked you can look into my bedroom. Or Go here (NSFW)