Fatback Media

Happy 2008! With this new year there are a ton of celebs who I hope to never see again . . . it’s not that I want all of them dead (though there are a few that upon expiring would make the world a better place). Rather, I just hope for their disappearance from the pop culture radar. I don’t’ want to see these folks on blogs, I don’t want to blog about them, I don’t want to pick up a magazine and see their faces. Period. Got it? Okay, now for the list:

1. Spencer Pratt/Heidi Montag (these two are on my Die List)
2. Britney Spears and any relative of her, yet unborn or living
3. Celebrity crotch sans undies (yeah, not a person, but just as offensive)
4. Kanye West
5. Lindsey Lohan
6. Celebrity Pregnancy denials from obviously prego celebs
7. Anyone from the Hogan family
8. Akon
9. The Olly Twins
10. Angelina and Brad and their 34 kids
11. Marie Osmond

And who do I hope to see more of in 2008? My top pick is Amy Winehouse. I am fascinated by her depravity and hope to see more awful pictures of her junkie body in 2008, though I fear her days are drawing near. That’s why I have backup celebrities to track. I want to see more of Tyra Banks self-aggrandize, self-praise, self-examine, and tell the rest of us why she is perfect. Also, I look forward to watching Ashley Tisdale’s new nose job settle down and take its permanent shape. And it is my ardent wish that the rare treat of CoCo (Ice-T’s wife) shows up to more award shows this year sprouting camel toe and clothes that are too tight on her huge ass and thighs. Oh and let’s not forget Miss New York and Bret Michaels–the former is sure to have yet another show on VH1 and the latter’s oh-so-ardent quest for “love” airs in a couple of weeks. And in general I look very forward to seeing who the next Nickelodeon or Disney purported teenage virgin to get knocked up is–Miley Cyrus anyone? And let’s not forget that Paula Abdul and a whole host of fellow crazies are coming back to us this month via American Idol. Hell yeah! Welcome 2008!

So raise a toast to expiring celebs and take yet another look at Coco’s inexplicable ass . . .