Fatback Media

If it is at all possible for a female to be a girl a douchebag, then may Miss Lennox proclaim Heidi Montag as big of a douchy as her fiance Spencer Pratt. I had to read her new interview with Blender magazine in bits and pieces–like separated by 30 minute intervals–because the nausea that was rising up in my throat with each of Heidi’s words of wisdom needed time to go back down so that I didn’t appear like a post-binge bulimic.

Apparently Heidi is a girl of many talents and her talent stems back to early childhood:

“I’ve always been singing. I’ve been dancing since I was 2—hip-hop, jazz, tap, everything. I was a wicked stepsister in Cinderella. I was a fairy in A Midsummer Night’s Dream. I was Beatrice in . . . an old English play. Acting, singing, dancing —it’s always been in me.”

Wow, Heidi, you did elementary school theater. Totally tantamount to the big screen, yeah. Anyway, let’s talk about the idiot that actually is into her, namely her fiance Spencer Pratt. He offers:

“Heidi is gonna be the biggest pop star in the world . . . you can quote me on that.”

After hearing Heidi’s first single leaked to KISS FM in L.A. a few months ago, my take is, “Heidi’s music and voice f*cking sucks balls.” Oh, and you can quote me on that.

I’d talk about more of the article here, but the nausea is coming back so check out this month’s Blender for the WonderDouche that is Heidi Montag.