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First of all, damn, my artwork certainly should be admired here. Those hearts look like they were powered by the motor skills of a curious 5 year old who got into Papa’s open bourbon bottle when he passed out. But enough about my childhood . . .

Anyway, I’m not sure I get either of these alleged matches. Usually when you’re 21 and dating an older dude with an ex-wife and some kids it’s because he’s got a lot more money than you do. This is not the case with Ashley Olsen and Lance Armstrong so I can’t fathom why she spent Halloween on his lap at some bar in NY. Furthermore, in the case of Jessica Simpson and Owen Wilson, all I can say is that she must be awfully desperate to take on Owen’s kind of baggage. According to the always-credible Star magazine:

“The two dined Sunday at the Huntley Hotel in Santa Monica before retiring to his Malibu home. ‘He couldn’t keep his hands off her,’ a witness told the mag.”

I probably wouldn’t be able to keep my hands of of Jessica Simpson either, but . . .

Oh anyway, I guess only time will tell if these dates turn into more, or if these ladies wise up.