Fatback Media

Thank you for bending over in front of paparazzi while shopping for your new camera, Hayden. Because now everyone will see what I’ve been saying forever. But, first they have to click on the link . . . I’m too damn poor to actually purchase the picture!

I’m sick of all the “great body” praised heaped on Hayden. The girl is like 5 foot-even on a good day, and her legs are thick and bowed. Seriously, in about 20 years Hayden will look like your fat aunt who embarrasses you every year at the beach as she parades around her cellulite-ridden, huge fat ass and thighs without wearing a wrap even when your mom softly suggests it.

Anyway, Hayden is heading down Fat Avenue, though her youth is preventing it from happening at this point in time. But in the future, there is nothing–not even plastic surgery–that can prevent the genetic destiny given to her with short, stubby, thick legs.