Fatback Media

Wow, I am in absolute shock that Pink and hubby Carey Hart are seemingly on the outs. Because it is just so unfair to poor Carey that he is forced by marriage to keep his dick in his pants for five seconds when Pink’s not around, they apparently agreed on a “Don’t Ask-Don’t Tell” policy for their marriage. With the very foundation of marriage–monogamy!–not part of their plan, yeah, I’m totally amazed that their “commitment” to one another is being challenged.

The NY Post reports:

“Well-placed sources tell us that pop star Pink’s marriage is on its last legs. Apparently, when the singer married her biker beau, Carey Hart, she took a ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell’ policy and agreed to let him have his fun when she’s away on tour. But she’s changed her mind now that her biological clock has started ticking. ‘Divorce is just around the corner,’ says our mole.’Carey has this one blonde in particular that he takes everywhere, even public appearances. But Pink knew what she was getting into!’ Stupid girl, indeed.”

I could graphically describe what torture I would exert upon my boyfriend’s penis if he asked me for free reign to stick it in anything he wants when I am at work. And that torture would be multiplied by 100x if it were my husband. The fact that Pink originally agreed to the whole open marriage thing is despicable and desperate. But, then again, this is the woman who proposed to her boyfriend instead of vice-versa. Here in the genteel South, sweetie, a woman proposing to her boyfriend just does not happen. Gross.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m feeling awfully motivated to go explain to my boyfriend how his penis would look great in an Iron Maiden if he ever asked me about an open relationship . . .