Fatback Media

Hey everybody, long time no see. Shooter here has been busy learning that coffee is for closers only (and that 2nd place is a set of steak knives). Since we last were able to waste 10 minutes out of the workday together, quite a bit has gone down. Between Paris getting sprung from the clink and LiLo deciding that it takes more than a month to kick your coke habit, I know you guys have missed me. I was going to start out with some comments on Chris Benoit, but I figured that might be a little hypocritical–after all, no one enjoys a good grocery bag/belt-noose combo around the neck like yours truly. So until a non-AA related story pops up, here’s a true story for you to enjoy:

A couple of Shooter’s pals were in Miami Beach this past weekend for a Bachelor Party. They were holed up in a bungalow at the Delano (Shooter’s boys don’t roll lightly) when, on the way to their pleasure palace, they spotted our old friend K-Fed. Apparently Kevin (that’s what he likes to be called now that he’s a serious actor for reals) didn’t appreciate being called out as a “D-list actor, everyone!” in front of the papparazzi, and he tried to regulate up in the bungalow. This story would have had a sad ending if Kevin had been able to retaliate, but the prolific baby daddy wasn’t allowed into the bungalow area.

I don’t bring this up to glorify my boys’ spending habits–while solid, they’re not Trump-level just yet. But I think the moral of the story is this: When you’re 2 forearm tattoos deep into an ill-conceived body art campaign, when your first baby momma has a tummy tuck and the second one looks like a goddamn yeti, and when you start getting denied access to hotels where any jerk with $300 and a towel around his waist can command the attention of any chick in the place, it’s time for you to realize that the clock of your 15 minutes of fame is reading 15:30.

Since Britney has jumped the shark, Paris says she’s found God (okay……..), and LiLo is trying to clean herself up, I think that this year’s crop of celebs is just entering their own. Move aside, old news. The new kids are here to stay. And with that, I give you these completely unrelated pics of the oh so sexy Rhianna. May her nipples breathe freely and her underwear be scarce.