Fatback Media

Emily here. I’ve been MIA, I know. Fucking cop cuffed me to the bed then forgot to leave the key! Who does that? Shanna Moakler is a crazy woman with too much time. She celebrated her divorce from Travis Barker by throwing a party in Vegas and creating a creepy cake as the highlight. Apparently, Vegas is the land of merriment for any occasion.

Funny thing. I, too, baked a cake when the ’state’ ruled I did not have to pay the fines for possession of killer good looks. Zing! It was clever in my mind, at least. I had no idea who Shanna Moakler was until recently, but she quickly soared to the top of my “shouldn’t be in public for fear of homicide” list. She’s fucking scary, like she’ll burn cigarettes into your back while making love on the kitchen floor, then splash you with a glass of vodka as she calls you a ‘perv’ and walks out the door, which makes her all the more attractive, which, incidentally, is the image I’m building so in summation: she’s my role model. Here’s some photos of Shanna from various places. That last one is a preview of the new stuff shot she just did. Dirty slave.