Fatback Media

I am not a bum. I am a jerk. I once had wealth, power and the love of a beautiful woman. Now I only have two things: my friends and… wait, no, that’s someone else. I’m Emily and I’m an alcoholic.

That’s right, bitches, I’m your new guest writer. I’m an infectious (well, until the antibiotics kick in) brazen southern belle – a combination deadlier than drunk Paris Hilton behind the wheel. Bless her heart! So as Fatback inhales a large bowl of shrimp-n-grits, I’m on a gig to recruit groupies. So far my method involves a 9 question survey, a hookah pipe, photos of Scarlett Johansson’s rack and a Black Crowes ticket stub …cause I rock. I rock hard. Sweet tea, anyone? Here’s what’s happening on your side of the tracks.

Listen to the sweet, soothing baby sounds of Suri Cruise. (Gossip or Truth)

Wicker Man does it’s best to make women look like the power hungry bitches that they are. KIDDING! About the bitches part. (Not a misogynist!) The movie still sucks. And if it’s anything like the original…the good guy gets burned alive at the end. OOPS! (Pajiba)

US Weekly ripped of Yeeeah’s blog design. Think they’ll admit it? Yeah, me either. (Yeeeah!)

Grey’s Anatomy -The Fray S3 video. (GMMR)

Lindsay Lohan keeps the shaved crabtrap under wraps. (The Bastardly)

Penelope Cruz and Matthew MConnaa…MCGoghey..MCcoughlagay…MCwhatever may be back together. (Bumpshack)

Lindsay Lohan was robbed. Her designer purse full of $1M in jewels and pirate booty was stolen from her at the Heathrow Airport. (Subvert)